i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
