There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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