I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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