What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
