If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
