true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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