Don't you send me to vm
My liver just broke up with me...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
COCAINE IS GR8
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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