I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize