ya dads aren't the best wingmen
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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