what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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