Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
