we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
