you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
