i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
