Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
