I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
