Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
