Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
