I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
