I want to have your abortion
Small penises have feelings too.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
