she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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