dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
