is your mom at the bar?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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