His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
