so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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