Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
