I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
