If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
