I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
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