Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
