there was a trapeze. enough said
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
