Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
