Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
