Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
