You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
