he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize