A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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