going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
