okay pat passed out under dana's car
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
