cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
