YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
