Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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