it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
