oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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