You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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