Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
