I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize