If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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