why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
