thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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