my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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