Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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