I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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