Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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