tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
