What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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