I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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