I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
