OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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