she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize