i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
