i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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