I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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