Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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