How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
