Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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