He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
