She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
