so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
