it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
