I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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