Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My life is pants optional.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
