there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
